Feedback, Editor Style

The first hero characters have arrived. I decided to comment on Alex's work in the manner that my editor comments on mine.

Download notes on Bobby - The Baby of Brilliance.

Alex has used surprise (incongruity), alliteration, onomatopoeia and paying attention to different senses, to come up with a truly brilliant hero. He could make his work even better by inventing a backstory.

I was also very impressed by Annabel's 'Goofy the Goldfish'. This is very funny because goldfish aren't usually super heroes (incongruity!).

The goldfish kills evil monsters with his super strong jaws and lets them bleed to death. It's good that Annabel's considering the story ahead. However, please read my post We Need to Talk About Death.

Annabel has also remembered to consider multiple senses and she's used a great simile:
'His smell is repulsive he smells like Algae that has been left in mouldy, stagnant, water for ages!'

Then onomatopoeia:
'He goes pop pop.'

Oliver has written about Jason the Egg.

'Made from the DNA of a farmers pet pig named Jeffrey and for some reason the DNA of a smurf.'

This is a very funny idea because both pigs and Smurfs have the potential to be humorous, so mixed together, they're even better.

You'll notice that the creation of this monster was similar to Tubster of Terror (i.e. crossing DNA). I am happy for you to borrow and extend each other's ideas. That will help us arrive at the best monster book ever.

However, please remember that you are supposed to choose your hero's species from a list:
- a human
- a tig
- a fredanielawrobyus
- a rare good character from the evil species, the flabby gobble
- a rare good character from the evil species, the lumipoo momp
- a rare good character from the evil species, the treghorned crusher
- a rare good character from the evil species, the tubster of terror
- a rare good character from the evil species, the snaggy boop
- an animal species of your choice

But don't worry if your hero doesn't quite fit the plan. Here's why:
1. You can use your hero to create your own monster story.
2. I can use parts of your hero to form a hero that does fit the plan.

For example, I like the fact that Jason the Egg hates hates noodles and chopsticks - I can imagine him getting tangled in noodles and that's very funny. I might borrow that idea and add it to another hero.

George has come up with a superb backstory for his hero:

'My hero is called Turbo the Toddler. On his second birthday a strange chemical dropped into the oven while his birthday cake was baking. Toby took a bite of cake with the chemical and the next day he realised he had super powers!'

This helps us believe in the character.

George has also used a great example of showing as well as telling:

'Turbo likes to run everywhere and is very good at getting to emergencies quickly e.g. he once saved a lady from being eaten by a lion.'

Please keep your hero characters arriving.