Dancing Smoke, The Orbit of Zorbit and Cloud Fortresses

I've been reading your responses to the scene setting task. I am amazed by how brilliant your writing is becoming. Here are some of the highlights.

Awesome Place Names

Baxteronia - Yasin, Bridge School
Spookynal Island - Ahmad, Bridge School
Fangland - Victoria, St Edwards
Yazoble - Ahmad, Manor School
Mangrewer - Charlotte, St Edwards
Dooms Dale - Josie, St Edwards
Lumipoo Momp swamp - Ella, Queensgate
Swampy Momp - Charley, Queensgate
Muskiland - Muscab, Barford School
Sanskatopia - Sanskar, Barford School
Shoogle Lagoon - Kayla, St Edwards

Personification

'There were tall towers, their heads talking to the clouds sitting in the sky.' - Naazneen, Bridge School

'Talking' and 'sitting' are both superb examples of personification.

'Smoke danced out of the chimney.' - Naazneen (again), Bridge School

More wonderful personification.

'The train jogged over fields.' - Mustafa, Bridge School

I really like this example of personification. Not only does it show that the train was going quick fast, but the motion of jogging does remind me of a train chugging.

'It is silent apart from the raging winds.' - Brendan, St Edwards

Personification of the weather is always a winner.

More Examples of Great Language Usage

'The snow-topped mountain is surrounded by a huge frozen lake with the salty scent wafting around the mountain.' - Anonymous, St Peters.

I like the way this sentence is written, particularly 'with the salty scent wafting around the mountain'. It pays attention to different senses and uses some great connectives (e.g. 'surrounded by' and 'with').

'If I stand right in the middle, I can smell the refreshing roses from the depths of the parks. Also when I step out in the morning, I can hear the whistling of the birds.' - Katie, Rosemellin

Katie's description indulges the senses.

'It is spring and the scent of flowers fills the air; the soft grass tickles your hand; tigs are soaring through the air whilst lumipoo momps are migrating to the forest.' - Jamie, Queensgate

Great example of showing spring, as well as telling. Also, I like the idea that lumipoo momps migrate.

'The season is set in autumn when all the leaves begin to fall.' - Liam, Queensgate

Another example of showing as well as telling the season.

'The lush deli smell was flowing around the city like smoke out of an airplane. The tall buildings were like massive giants in the fluffy and white clouds. You can see through your glass window the aqua and wavy river swaying like professional dancers on the hard old stage.' - Aaliyah, Manor School

This is very poetic. Lots of beautiful imagery that appeals to many senses. The personification of the river is beautiful.

'Home to Lumipoo Momps, in planet Zero they call Lumipoo Momps, Momps because they use slang on that planet.' - Bethany, Manor School

Thinking about the slang that a community might use is very advanced. Good work Bethany.

'The sky is usually full of fluffy clouds that just move around gracefully. They are as graceful as ballerinas.' - Bethany (again!), Manor School.

Lovely imagery. Although I have to admit, when I read it quickly I thought it said Lumipoo Momps were ballerinas - now there's a hideous mental image!

'After that I headed towards something green. It was the Creepy Forest. It was the right name for such a place: the branches sticking out on the oak tree looked like arms coming to grab me. I noticed a door in the middle of a trunk saying ‘Beware!’ I wasn’t sure whether I should touch the golden door handle or not. Just then a bolt of lightning spread across the sky and thunder roared around me. The clouds poured rain and I stood still, getting soaked.' - Yasin, Bridge School

This is superb scene setting. I really felt as though I was there. I appreciated the personification of the branches. 'Roared' is great onomatopoeia.

'All you can hear is the rush of the wind and the leaves of the light green, spruce trees swaying heavily in the background.' - Brendon, Queensgate

Effective attention to other senses.

'The planet Zorbit is a tiny planet on the edge of space, one hundredth of the size of earth. It is so small that aliens often fly straight past it and only spot it if they actually get into the ‘orbit of Zorbit’!' - Alex, St Edwards

'The orbit of Zorbit' is brilliant example of assonance (the repetition of vowel sounds to create internal rhyming within phrases or sentences). It rolls beautifully off the tongue.

'Splish, splash, splosh' - Alex (again), St Edwards

Alliteration, onomatopoeia and consonance (the repetition of the same consonant two or more times in short succession) all crammed into three words. Now you're just showing off! Hee hee. Brilliant work, Alex.

Well Thought Out

'It’s scorching hot. In fact the only specie that lives there is the Lumipoo momp. If it gets above these temperatures they turn into puddles to cool themselves.' - Muscab, Barford

I thought this was a clever example of matching a species to an environment. Although the momps will have to be careful that their puddles don't evaporate in the hot weather!

Interesting Features

'SandsTown, which has wigwams and igloos, is a desert. The igloos donʼt melt because they have a protective layer of red sand which stops them melting. The wigwams are made of cloth and cactuses to protect the people from predators.'

These ideas for structures are very inventive.

'Most of the mountains are snow mountains and some are volcanic mountains.' - Sanskar, Barford

These sound like dramatic features to have in a landscape.

'It has a permanent smoky smell as the volcano is always depositing is smoky toxic stench! The volcano is the rocks main feature; it’s a night sky black colour and crumbles underneath your feet.' - Anonymous, St Peters

Ooh! A smoking volcano! Let's have one of those.

'The Lumipoo Momps normally play a game of Lumi hockey (It is like ice hockey, but it has a different name).' - Red, St Edwards

That sounds like fun. I'll add a frozen lake to our map.

'The towers, castles and even gates have faces and laugh and laugh everyday! All the faces on the constructions look different, one might have an afro, one might have blond hair or a red mohican' - Quinn, St Edwards

Gates with faces could be an interesting plot device. Our heroes are in a hurry, but they have to remember to be polite to the gateposts, or they won't get in!

'People from Bongdon will not walk, instead they will jump, so paths will be made out of trampolines, wow! So much fun!' - Victoria, St Edwards

That does sound like fun!

'My setting is the floating cloud fortress it's an adventurous, exciting and enchanted place!' - Brendan, St Edwards

That does sound magical!

'Advertisements are all around you of  big companies such as Nike and McDonalds.There is almost a shop on every corner of the city and billions of products for your every needs.' - Zacari, Barford

I like the idea of billboards etc, but I wonder if a place overrun with monsters might have different adverts to Great Britain.

Amusing

'It's the year 3010 and it's the hottest Easter on record!! I'm driving in my dune buggy. It's scorching in the middle of the desert.. As I look around its barren, yellow and dry, apart from the odd bit of green in the form of cactus and of course Mcdonalds!! What a strange place to have one, very convenient though.it smells very dry and dusty and the yummy smell of burgers. You can hear the wind whipping round the Mcdonalds and the silent scurrying of scorpions and rattle snakes. Other that that is so silent... With the odd beep of the till....' - Harvey, St Edwards

A very entertaining commentary on the size and robust nature of the McDonald's corporation.

Check out the rest of the blog for more great map work and scene setting.