An Example Chapter 19 by St Edward's School

I just received this outstanding response to this week's task from St Edward's school.

As you know, this week's task was to get into pairs then write and edit part of the book using our detailed plan. The piece of writing could be as long or as short as your teacher wanted to set.

These children have chosen to write the whole of chapter 19. I have to warn you - it's pretty scary - scary, and brilliant.

Chapter 19

By St Edward's School.

The dark forest was unnerving and ominous but Simon held himself together. He dared not look behind for Lumipoo Momps may have jumped out at any second. Either side of him were ancient withering trees with holes in the bark that looked like faces; scary enough in the daylight. Simon carried on trudging through the forest for what felt like, and probably was, hours when finally he reached the edge of the forest straight into a swamp; a Lumipoo swamp! Simon pulled his swamp shoes (slabs of Styrofoam) from his backpack and strapped them on over – well under really – his normal shoes. Gingerly taking one step onto the marshy swamp grass the shoes held firm, filled with confidence Simon continued over the glow-in-the-dark poo swamp for ages, nothing exciting happened and then whoosh… A spike, travelling at breakneck speed straight for Simon, missed by a few millimetres and embedded itself in Simon’s left swamp shoe with a loud Thump! Simon had ducked to avoid the spike and as he raised his head, wary of more inbound spikes, he saw standing in front of him Maddie LongLegs, Queen of the Lumipoo Momps. Maddie was outraged!. Accompanying Maddie was her new Momp-to-English translator, Summer SlimySpikes

“Momp momp, momp” Maddie announced in a commanding tone. Summer translated the Queen’s words;“You captured many of my loyal subjects, for that you are sentenced to execution!” and punctuated the words with a few well targeted peas for good measure. 

Maddie brandished her wooden spoon menacingly, smacking Simon across the face with it; Simon tumbled to the ground and sprawled out on the swamps floor. He had no strength left within him, not even enough to stand up. Maddie stalked slowly in for the kill; ‘There’s no way out’ thought Simon, ‘I’m going to die’

“Momp momp, momp mompmompmomp” said Maddie, she was about to swing her spoon for the last time when Simon noticed not only that her shot spikes had regrown, but there was something glinting in the sun around her neck; a piece of jewellery was glittering in the sun; with horror Simon realised it was his mum’s glaciergem necklace! The incomparable anger boiling inside of him gave him new found energy, strength, power. He felt alive again. He wanted that necklace back!

Maddie saw the glint in Simon’s eye and realised what was happening. She was slowly waddling away when Simon grabbed hold of a low branch on a nearby bush and pulled himself up. 

“That is not yours! It was my Mother’s and I want it back” Simon yelled and he lunged towards Maddie’s spikey neck grabbed the necklace and yanked it from her neck.

Maddie and Summer looked down as Simon tilted the surface of the glaciergem towards them and they both turned into fluorescent purple puddles of goo – or maybe lumipoogoo. The two puddles oozed their way along the swamp floor away from Simon, but he was too quick for them and trapped them both in a jar. The Maddie-Summer (or Summer-Maddie) cocktail squirmed in the glass jar trying to break free as Simon slid the jar into the side pocket of his backpack. He continued his journey across the swamp uninterrupted by more Lumipoo Momps for at least half an hour, the luminous poo started to clear, walking was easier as the swamp became less swampy. Simon was looking ahead to the edge of the swamp and firmer ground and the gates that enclosed the Lumipoo Momp lands when his feet started to sink; literally a few steps from the edge and he was well and truly stuck! He could hear loud whispering from the gates in front; were they debating whether Simon should pass or not? Were they deciding what to eat for dinner? Simon didn’t know what they were saying, he leaned in and then he understood; “You may not pass” was what he heard. “What?” Simon muttered, obviously the gates were biased towards their Lumipoo Momp friends. 

Simon heard a faint flapping of wings; ‘sounds like a Lumipoo Momp’ he thought as he feared the worst. The flapping grew louder, and louder, and LOUDER; Simon was prepared to fight! He felt the warrior spirit build up inside him. A figure came into view, it was… Bob? It was Bob! He had come to help, yeah, Simon was overjoyed and when Bob landed close by Simon tried to run towards him and remembered how totally stuck in the Lumipoo Swamp mud he was. Bob grasped Simon’s hands and flapped his wings hard eventually pulling Simon out of the boggy swamp and dropping him onto firmer ground. Simon headed towards the gates only for Bob to grab hold of him before he stepped into a putrid moat hiding behind the small bank edging the swamp. Bob then tried to persuade the gates to open using complex explanations, long stories, tall tales; he failed time after time. In frustration Bob yelled out “He’s my friend” and all of a sudden they started to open. As they did a drawbridge dropped from a cleverly hidden building spanning the putrid moat. Simon and Bob started across the moat but the stench of rotting tuna smothered in mouldy stilton cheese topped off with used Lumipoo Momp nappies was too much for them; Simon removed his swamp shoes and they raced across the drawbridge holding their noses, they ran through the gates and around the building to the North Tower. The door into the tower was closed, not locked just closed. Simon peered through a spy hole in the door and saw Tigotha tied high above an unlit fire. She was completely surrounded by snot pies and snake soup… she was to be the main course of a three course dinner! Simon dropped his swamp shoes and rushed towards Tigotha but a long tentacle snaked from behind the opened door, Tubby had been waiting. From his position behind the door Tubby blew on a dry stick igniting it and with one of his free tentacles used the stick to light the fire under Tigotha. 

Simon held up his ornate pocket mirror but it didn’t work because Tubby was too large to see enough of his reflection in the dirty dusty mirror to be frightened and cower in a corner. Simon reached into his pocket for some bananas; they were brown and mouldy but they had to do. He lobbed the bananas at Tubby but they just bounced off leaving him untouched. In pure frustration and anger Simon yanked his left swamp shoe off his foot and threw it at Tubby who was already running away; Tubby put his hands above his and backed as far away as possible from Simon dropping the fiery stick onto the cold, dry stone floor.

Bob picked up Simon’s swamp shoe and brandished it at Tubby, threatening to throw it on Tubby. He did this to buy Simon time to help free Tigotha. Simon’s thoughts of turning Tubby into a fluorescent puddle of lumipoogoo were completely blown away when Tubby tried to escape through a window that was much too small for him and sent broken glass and chipped bricks flying. Then Simon strapped a wounded Tigotha onto his backpack to take her somewhere safe so he could help her. 

Meanwhile, Tubby Mompstrosity had fled the tower, barged his way through Whiffleton on Swamp sending market stalls and people flying. Without stopping to look back Tubby carried on through Quackers Park out into the condiment district, he was valiantly trying to escape Simon and Bob and the Styrofoam not realising they had not chased after him. 

Tubby collided with Thia who was out walking Champ and her pooch, Champ was growling ferociously at Tubby, he wasn’t bothered by the enormous Rottweiler; it was Thia’s tiny little yapping pooch that Tubby was terrified by, he instantly turned into a puddle, unfortunate with the three lakes serving as the entrance to the condiment district; Tomato Sauce, Brown Sauce and -Mayonnaise; Pretty soon the Tubby puddle had sploshed and splashed and slipped into all three lakes tainting the sauce and mayonnaise with a slightly bad smell of Lumipoo Momp and a definite hint of luminous purple… not good for you or I as the Sauce Company pumping machines continued to syphon the condiments from the lakes.